F.E.A.R: False Evidence Appearing Real?
In my previous post, I shared with you about the importance and value of Conflict Management as one of the most critical skills that any Top Performer possesses and my 7 steps of Conflict Management Framework.
I completely empathise with you that the first step is often the hardest and most intimidating.
Studies have found that fear ALTERS perceptions and make situations appear BIGGER than they really are. I understand that the thought of being exposed and vulnerable is scary, and you want to hide from it. However, it is true that FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL! You have to know that putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, he/she is as fearful as you are, and all you need to do is to take that ONE COURAGEOUS STEP to face the situation.
A very helpful way to breakdown the other party’s walls of defense and setting up a conversation for success would be for you to confess your part of the conflict FIRST.
“What Rick?! You got to be kidding me – it was not entirely my fault.”
Yes, you heard me right – confessing your part of the conflict first is critical, as you set the stage for the other party to take the other X% of the responsibility. Humility will break the jammed lock, and there is always room to say “ I am sorry”. Furthermore, how you frame the message is critical.
“Confess your part of the conflict FIRST. Secondly, how you FRAME the message is critical.”
These two simple steps have made a huge difference in how I have dealt with conflicts in life, and I have shared this with my clients, family and friends and hope this would be helpful to you too. You will realise that you can walk away from difficult conversations between your peers, bosses and subordinates feeling at peace and ready to move ahead productively. You will also start to see your personal relationships improve! It is true that the way we manage conflict leads to a better, healthier and more effective you personally and professionally, as these skills are evergreen.
Find out more about the proven 7-step Conflict Management Framework that has helped so many to become Top Performers at their workplaces today.